Without You
by MemoryThief
Summary: When Matt dies, Mello knows he can't live without the gamer he loves more then anything.
1. Losing You Hurts Most

Shot. Dead. Left there by those fucking bodyguards to rot. I'm so sorry, Matt…I didn't mean to get you killed, I really didn't. If I had known they would shoot…I would have done something…but no, I told you not to worry, and you listened, just like always. It's all my fucking fault.

When this is over…when it's done, I'm not sure what I'll do. I just wanted to have you with me, we could leave all this Kira shit behind us, and we could live and just have a good time until we drew our last breaths. Now…now it will never happen. You're dead…and soon, I will be too.

You were my world, my everything, and now that you're gone, I just don't fucking know anymore. You meant more to me than all the chocolate in the world, I would have given up chocolate for you if you wanted. You were always there for me, even when I was a fucking jackass to you, when I was downright bitchy and cruel.

Ever since Wammy's we were M&M…Mello and Matt…Miheal and Mail….but knowing that you're gone, and it's my fault, I feel so alone…I want to shoot myself…I can't live without you, even the thought I can't fucking stand it…

People say that I owned you…that you were my loyal pet and toy…how wrong they were. Matt, you own me…I am forever bound to you by damned fucking chains, but I don't mind…as long as I had something, as long as I had you, I could live. But now….now I am no better than dead.

Matt, I hope you know, that I'll be with you soon…I will…as soon as I pull the damned fucking trigger…


	2. For You, For Love

I park the truck and lean my head back against the seat. Taking my custom beretta from the front of my leather pants and load it, I've memorized how to do it with even my eyes shut. This is the day I die, I know that now. Kiyomi Takada might have back-up, somebody might come for her, and they'll be Kira supporters, maybe Kira himself, so either I shoot myself, or I'll be killed like my mentor, L.

I look at the beretta, the one Matt helped me modify and help fix up. We both put hard hours into the modifications, one is to make it silent, so nobody will hear the shot. And some of the bullets are covered in poison, or are made of certain metals, things that kill easier. One shot, and I'll be dead.

Matt, if you're watching, I hope you know what I'm doing…if you don't, well, you always could be oblivious to the obvious. You were shot, so many fucking times, and it must have hurt…I'm sorry that you had to deal with such pain…I would take it all away for you, I hope you know that too.

I put my finger on the trigger and raise it to my temple, squeezing the trigger to hear it click before I pull it fully and shoot myself. Taking a deep breath, I can't help but to start crying. For one of the first times in my life, I'm crying.

I hate to think that Kira might win, but knowing Near, Kira won't. That fucking idiot will be beaten by that albino twit. Oh how I wish it was me and Matt going to catch Kira, just as we planned. We'd take Kira and kill him, give him a painful death, to avenge those who died in this shitstorm. Maybe I could see my mentor, my fucking idol, the great detective L, smile just once more, even if he's dead. Then, me and you, Mattie, could have just gone off back to California, or maybe back to England for the hell of it, and just live out our lives, living life to it's fullest with eachother. But that won't happen. Atleast there's something I'm certain of…we'll be together once I pull the trigger.

The tears fall from my face and I don't try to wipe them away, I still hold the gun to my head at all the things I've lost and will lose. I hope you're happy Near, you beat me again…just like always. But I have something you don't, so in a sense, I won as well….I have a best friend, a lover, one who will always be with me…I have Mail Jeevas, and you Nate River, have nothing…go on and solve this case yourself, atleast I have love…and maybe, if there truly is an afterlife, or people get reincarnated, then I'll have a chance to ask Matt what I wanted to…I wanted to always have him, to marry him.

"I love you Matt…" I whisper, closing my eyes, and pulling the trigger….


End file.
